After reading Susan Ziggy’s book, Things To Do Before You Say I Do! I realise that expecting a ‘shotgun’ marriage at age 16 to ever work was living in cloud cuckoo land.
And even the second marriage was doomed to fail, because it was done out of need, without seeking proper advice. Even if advice was available back then, nobody in my sphere would have considered it, apart perhaps from seeking an Astrological compatibility chart, or having a quick meeting with the local priest. I don’t even remember what they said at those meetings.
As Ziggy says, we all need to feel valued and loved, but rushing into marriage is not a good idea and I would suggest you read this worthy tome before you even think about tying the knot. With a tone of teacherly authority, Ziggy takes readers through all the stages from dating to empty nest syndrome, advising on the art of compromise, the value of maintaining traditions (something I would never have considered important) and provides a helpful questionnaire to do with your prospective partner, but also with friends and relatives.
She not only shows readers how proper communication, both verbal and via body language, is vital to maintain a happy marriage, but she also covers the ‘games people play’. Saying sorry is one of the most important things to remember in a relationship. Nothing is left to chance here, with topics ranging from replacing the toilet paper to flirting and cheating.
Ziggy ends the book with some very insightful interviews with couples who have been married more than 20 years.
I would recommend Things To Do Before You Say I Do! to anyone considering marriage or a partnership of any kind.
Leone Mary Britt
I was asked during an interview for a Mission statement. I used one of my favorite quotes. “Be the change you want to see in the world”, start by example! I see strangers that need help and I help them.
There was a man outside the carpet store where I often do business. It was a hot summer day, the man was lying on the grass and didn’t look well. I noticed him because one of the sales people was talking to him. I walked over and saw the man looked exhausted from heat stroke, it was in the 90’s that day. I asked the man if he was ok. He said he just got out of town court, (about 2 miles back) and he walked passed his street. Without hesitating I asked where he lived. I knew the apartments and offered him a ride back home.
The salesmen that I knew suggested I don’t do that because I didn’t know him and he just got out of court and I didn’t know what his court story was. I told him it was ok, this man needs help. I helped him to my car, we chatted for the 5 minutes it took to drive him to his apartment. He was very grateful, polite and kind. I said, “I hope you feel better, drink water and have a great day”. He asked me how he could repay me for the help and reached in his pocket as if he were looking for money.
I just told him to “Please pay this kindness forward. When someone needs help, help them.” He said he would. It was a win-win for both of us. Here is the ah-ha. He just got out of court and was black.
Lesson here…..when someone needs help you think about the human, not the color of their skin!
HOW CAN WE HAVE A FABULOUS RELATIONSHIP IF WE DON’T UNDERSTAND THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Most women wish for their “soul-mate to find them. Today’s women is more assertive and goes out looking for their “soul mate”. Either way, you need to understand what you want and who you are in order to be happy in any relationship.
Are you confident or timid? Are you sensitive or let situations roll off your shoulders? Are you an optimist or a pessimist? Are you a work-a-holic or laid back? Do you like to be in control or can you surrender control when the situation asks for it?
It really doesn’t matter your age, type of relationship or length of your relationship. All the above mentioned qualities need to be understood about yourself before you can change your past, present and future. Sit down, pour yourself something cold (or warm if that is your preference) and ask yourself the above questions. Make sure you are honest with yourself. There should be no “test anxiety” because you are only testing yourself!!
Now, consider what kind of person would be compatible with you. If you are a work-a-holic, do you want a partner who is too? Would you have enough time to spend together? If you are a work-a-holic and sensitive, it could be a problem because your partner may not have the time required to make you feel desired, loved, wanted, etc.
On the other hand, if you are a work-a-holic but optimistic, you may realize that time apart is an opportunity to explore hobbies or time with (same sex) friends. There are so many personality traits that have to align before you develop a relationship. You don’t find your soul mate, s/he turns into your soul mate over time!!
Another problem I find common in relationships is the lack of acceptance and understanding of who your partner is. So, here is the short version, the longer version is in my book, “What to do before you say I Do”. Men think in black and white. There is no gray matter. They are analytical and hard wired genetically to be the provider and problem solver! Woman are hard wired to be the nurturer, emotional, and chaotic. The majority of women have had to be the gatherer (groceries), raise the children and take care of the home and all that came with it.
Times really haven’t changed all that much. If you understand that, although men today are more willing to stay home with the children, or make dinner because they love to cook, remember it is not hard wired into them. They are still going to want to take care of you when you feel bad, even if you tell them “you just want to vent!” I like to say, men wear dark sunglasses, style optional! Women wear rose colored glasses, style a “must!” If you understand who you are genetically, psychologically and understand your partner in the same manner………you will get a soul mate!
Susan Ziggy author of “What To Do Before You Say I Do”
My blog has moved to http://www.susanziggy.com please follow me there 🙂 I have so much more to say about relationships, kindness, sharing and making people nice to each other, after all we all have feelings 🙂
Would you like a better relationship? Do you feel your partner listens and/or understands you? Are you appreciated? Does your partner pay attention to you? Is there equality in the relationship? “What to do before you say I Do” has answers and solutions to everyday issues and more!!! Answers are here…… www.susanziggy.com
I ask you questions in every chapter so you can discuss them with your partner.
1. Have you agreed to how finances are handled?
2. Do you have fights or arguments:
3. Do you know how to argue fairly?
4. Do you ask your partner for help the second they walk in the door?
5. Can you disagree without it turning into a fight?
6. Are you completely honest with your partner?
7. Do you feel heard when you express your opinion?
8. What happens if you or your partner don’t compromise?
9. Do you have “red flags” in your relationship?
10. Do you feel your partner plays emotional games?
These are questions that I have solutions for plus much, much more.
The book is loaded with ideas to help eliminated conflict in your relationships in clear, simple ideas that can make a huge difference in your relationship!!!!!
If you do these simple, easy ideas you will be amazed at how much better your relationship can be. The hard part is doing these simple ideas everyday, especially when you don’t want to!
Thanks and best wishes for a better relationship 🙂 answers are here www.susanziggy.com