In my book I have a chapter dedicated to fairy tales, myths and ideals. I write about why people are looking for their “ideal” man or women. The man or woman who will sweep you off your feet and rescue you like Cinderella, Snow White, etc. If you are going into a relationship looking for these fairy tales they are stories. You can however write your own fairy tale! You have to create the relationship you want, remember, its not about what your partner can offer you but what you have to offer your partner.
Here is my list of myths and ideals:
1) I’m holding out for the perfect partner!
Have you ever said that? What is YOUR perfect partner? Why do you think they are perfect for you? What flaws do you have that would make someone perfect for you? Is anyone perfect? Are you perfect? Now I will share my story about “perfect”.
When I first met my husband, he was not in the running for my ideal man. He was blue collar, I wanted white collar. He didn’t dress like my ideal man. He wore sneakers to our first date and a Nascar denim shirt. I wanted preppy. I only paid attention to the superficial aspects of the date and not who he was inside. What I did like about him was, he opened my car door and he had bluuueee eyes. I really wasn’t very interested but he was persistent. The more I paid attention to his inner personality the more I liked him. It took a few weeks for me to realize that he was attentive, kind, respectful, non-judgemental and patient. Once I put away my ideals of the “perfect” man, I realized I had found one without even realizing it. I grew to like him, and then love him. We have been very happily married for 15 years and I can’t imagine life without him.
The lesson: Give someone a chance and look past the superficial things, the exterior changes when you get older. The interior doesn’t change a lot. A kind and loving person will probably always be kind and loving, gentle and worth knowing.
2) I can train or change him into the man I want!
Really! This one drives me nuts. If you have to change someone, which you can’t, then consider changing yourself first.
3)We know marriage is work, but we can do it!
Can you change your own oil in your car? Can you build your own house? Do you really understand the work involved? Have you heard the saying, you have to walk a mile in my shoes to understand what its like? It’s very true. When I became disabled I went through a horrible depression. Family and friends would tell me to get dressed or put on make up so I would feel better! It didn’t work because they hadn’t been in my shoes.
In marriage its the same analogy. I have studied human behavior, taught and helped others. Its work because there will be days you have to stop talking and listen. There will be days you wonder, “what was I thinking” . My book will help you know what to do on those days and how to get passed them.
REMEMBER I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYONE SAY, “I’M MARRYING MY SOUL MATE OR PERFECT PARTNER SO I CAN GET DIVORCED DOWN THE ROAD! yet it happens often. You truly need to know how to handle situations, issues, arguments before the “I Do”
My book, What to do before you say “I Do” has many more stories and myths but my fingers are cramping up from all the writing j/k!
My next topic will be about Creating a plan
Thanks for stopping by I truly appreciate it!!!