lets talk about “fairy tale” relationships

In my book I have a chapter dedicated to fairy tales, myths and ideals. I write about why people are looking for their “ideal” man or women. The man or woman who will sweep you off your feet and rescue you like Cinderella, Snow White, etc. If you are going into a relationship looking for these fairy tales they are stories.  You can however write your own fairy tale! You have to create the relationship you want, remember, its not about what your partner can offer you but what you have to offer your partner.

Here is my list of myths and ideals:

1) I’m holding out for the perfect partner!

Have you ever said that? What is YOUR perfect partner? Why do you think they are perfect for you?  What flaws do you have that would make someone perfect for you? Is anyone perfect?  Are you perfect?  Now I will share my story about “perfect”.

When I first met my husband, he was not in the running for my ideal man. He was blue collar, I wanted white collar. He didn’t dress like my ideal man. He wore sneakers to our first date and a Nascar denim shirt. I wanted preppy. I only paid attention to the superficial aspects of the date and not who he was inside. What I did like about him was, he opened my car door and he had bluuueee eyes. I really wasn’t very interested but he was persistent. The more I paid attention to his inner personality the more I liked him. It took a few weeks for me to realize that he was attentive, kind, respectful, non-judgemental and patient. Once I put away my ideals of the “perfect” man, I realized I had found one without even realizing it. I grew to like him, and then love him. We have been very happily married for 15 years and I can’t imagine life without him.

The lesson: Give someone a chance and look past the superficial things, the exterior changes when you get older. The interior doesn’t change a lot. A kind and loving person will probably always be kind and loving, gentle and worth knowing.

2) I can train or change him into the man I want!

Really! This one drives me nuts. If you have to change someone, which you can’t, then consider changing yourself first.

3)We know marriage is work, but we can do it! 

Can you change your own oil in your car? Can you build your own house? Do you really understand the work involved? Have you heard the saying, you have to walk a mile in my shoes to understand what its like? It’s very true. When I became disabled I went through a horrible depression. Family and friends would tell me to get dressed or put on make up so I would feel better! It didn’t work because they hadn’t been in my shoes.

In marriage its the same analogy. I have studied human behavior, taught and helped others. Its work because there will be days you have to stop talking and listen. There will be days you wonder, “what was I thinking” . My book will help you know what to do on those days and how to get passed them. 

REMEMBER I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANYONE SAY, “I’M MARRYING MY SOUL MATE OR PERFECT PARTNER SO I CAN GET DIVORCED DOWN THE ROAD! yet it happens often. You truly need to know how to handle situations, issues, arguments before the “I Do”

My book, What to do before you say “I Do” has many more stories and myths but my fingers are cramping up from all the writing j/k!

My next topic will be about Creating a plan

Thanks for stopping by I truly appreciate it!!!


dmithe le


Finding Happiness

great page name, optimisticgladness. People that are optimistic can find possibilities in everything, anywhere

bhutan chronicles

“Stop running. Happiness has been chasing you all this time…”

Moving to Bhutan does funny things for one’s happiness. Increasingly famous for developing the concept of Gross National Happiness, Bhutan is the first country many people think of when asked to name the happiest place on earth. This has even led the Tourism Council of Bhutan to adopt the slogan, “Happiness is a Place”. Happiness is much more than a place, but indeed, Bhutan has been a great place for me to learn about my own happiness.

People often ask me if I am happier here, and whether those around me are truly the happiest people in the world. The answers to such questions are at first complicated, and eventually simple. People here are not in a race to be happier or happiest. I was amazed to learn recently that the happiness of an individual is 50% genetic, 40% attitude…

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Do couples play mind games?

In my book I have a chapter dedicated to “games people play in relationships” Like or Share if this sounds familiar to you

I have a friend, married a long time, and I asked her what she got for Christmas. She said, “nothing” in a very disgusted, aggravated tone. When I asked her why her husband didn’t get her anything (he is usually very generous) she said, “I told him I didn’t want anything” . She was mad that he didn’t remember all the things she talked about wanting throughout the year. She felt he should know her well enough to know that when she says she doesn’t want anything, that means, “surprise me”, or “I mentioned 6 months ago what I wanted”. She was angry, he was upset that she was angry and felt humiliated.
Is that really how you want your partner to feel?
This is a manipulative and dishonest game! Don’t make your partner guess what you want, man or woman, tell them! My book goes deeper into this game with ideas that are fun but easy to win. Everything in your relationship should be a WIN-WIN for both of you!

What to do before you say I Do

what to do.. is a book I wrote to help my readers learn how to create a great relationship or refresh the one you have. I wrote this book based on my experience, education in human behavior and teaching. I started writing this book for my 2 children who are in serious relationships and I didn’t want them to make the same mistakes I did. As I was having friends and family read the manuscript, they suggested I get it published because they found the simple ideas, suggestions and solutions to be very beneficial. Hence, a book was born.
My readers have told me that it’s like having coffee around the table with your mother. The ideas and advice though are not like mom’s,my children use to tell me they knew it all) I don’t enjoy being “preached” to! I find more fun in reading a book that has witty humor and funny stories that everyone can relate to.
I hope you enjoy and share my site and book with friends and family! If you follow the advice and do the work, then you can help drop the divorce rate one marriage at a time 🙂



What happens if partners can’t compromise

What happens if you or your partner don’t compromise?
Well, let me tell you a story from my book!
My husband and I had different ideas for putting up Christmas lights. I wanted white lights everywhere with a traditional theme of greenery and wreaths. My husband wanted colored lights everywhere, more whimsical. I asked if he would let me do lights one year my way and his lights, his way, the next year. He didn’t like my way so now he does it his way, by himself, every year.
I’m ok with that since we live in Buffalo and it gets cold around November. We use to freeze together when we did the lights. Since he didn’t want to compromise, I don’t have to help anymore. I get to stay warm and watch him out the front window…yeah! He is also responsible for taking down the lights after the holidays as well. I can live with his way because at least we have lights and he is slowly exchanging some colored lights for white:)
The lesson here is….compromise or be prepared for the results! You also can’t complain because you are the one that wanted things done your way! BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR and ask yourself, how important is it really!

Hello everyone! Anyone need relationship advice?:)

I am the author of What to do before you say I Do. available at http://www.barnesandnoble.com and http://www.amazon.com
It’s full of witty anecdotes, real life examples and clear and simple advice. It was written in a conversational tone with questions at the end of every chapter to promote conversation with your partner! It also has a compatability survey for you to take with your partner…….its fun!
It’s also great for couples who are already married because it offers refreshers. You would probably enjoy it more because you can relate to the truth in my anecdotes!

relationships a…

relationships are like soup! They require several ingredients to make them good, start off hot and start to cool down. Without the right ingredients of trust, honesty, respect, sense of humor, willingness to compromise and many more, your marriage won’t contain all the necessary ingredients. This book is a recipe for how to start that perfect relationship and what to do when it cools down.